Personal Post

In need of advice.

My oldest daughter lives with my mom in Idaho. She has been there for two years. I want to get her back becuase I miss her so much. So, I try to work on articles as often as possible and my husband is looking for work again after being fired becuase the car broke down and needed to be repaired (which it is now). But, when my mom came to visit around Easter, she brought up the fact that she wanted me to sign over all of my parental rights just so my mom could get my daughter medical for free. While I don't mind my daughter getting medical for free. I don't want to sign over my rights. Becuase getting them back would be tough no matter how easy my mom says she would let it be. Thats not how the government would see it going, I am sure. Besides that, I already have people thinking I gave up my daughter. It was only supposed to be for a month and my mom never brought her back. With the three times that my mom has been here, it has been a struggle to get my daughter to understand that she should be here. I feel as if my mom has brain washed my daughter to make her think that life there is better and that life over here isn't just as good. My daughter is always asking for me to move back to Idaho. I can't. For various reasons. Not just becuase I don't have the money. But becuase I don't want to live so close to my ex again after what happened to make me move here in the first place. I have a plan to get my daughter at the end of July. But am finding it hard to bring up to my mom. I'm very scared. With only one income for the home (my daughter Kiera's SSD), I fear my mom would use this against me legally to make it impossible for me to get my daughter back. I am trying currently to get a degree in freelance writing so that I can better myself. I am thinking maybe in Sept to get a job again that pays. That's when my youngest turns six months. Today, my mom brought up the whole deal of me signing over my rights for medical. I didn't say much. And I couldn't find it in me to speak up. I want my daughter back. My mom, I feel, stole her from me when she promised to bring her back after a month. I call my daughter everyday. My mom should understand how I feel. She went through similar as a parent when I was younger. Everyday, I practically call my youngest daughter by her sister's name. I even refer to her by accident in conversation. The days are growing near when I should speak up and say, "I'm taking back my daughter." Fear stops me.
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21 Comments

Hi Freyja. Can you give us a few more details? How is it that your daughter can't come with you to NYC? Is there any sort of authority figure - police, etc - that you trust or can call?
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uptowngirl 2yrs+
@ajadedidealist it seems to be a family issue here after all Freyja4's mum is the child's grandmother and could use the fact that she is capable of providing medical care for the child as a means to gain custody of her granddaughter . I dont know how the laws of the country work in this case but Freyja4 you should try and contact some Child Protection Agency in NYC to get some legal help in this extremely tricky situation..
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Well, I do have medical for her here. I'm just confused as to how my mom can't just get state medical through DFS. I still get a statement here and there from the Caldwell DFS office. Even though I don't live there anymore. Currently, Im in WY becuase my dad needed me nearby. Also, kinda of had to get to a location where my ex didn't know where I was. Until I felt it was okay to tell him (long story). I'm wanting to to get back to NYC. Just I can't at the moment. On one good note my ex feels my daughter should be with me (we are actually on speaking terms now) as does my dad and of course my current husband and just about every one else I know. I don't want to have to involve the authoities. If I have to than I will. My husbad happened to bring p to her about how Sam should stay and he said, just like my dad said, that my mom didn't say a word, My step-father isn't pressuring me to sign anything. In fact when my mom first brought it up he told her that it didn't need to be an issue. Now, my moms history is that my brother never lived with my mom. He basicly left home and lived with our paternal grandmother at age 5 or so, then with my dad later on. As for me, custody battles started at age 2 and went until I was 9. My mom lost custody of me and I remember the look on her face. I went into the court room and she was in tears. Doesn't thelp that the case was through Utah. The worst state when it comes to parental rights and child custody. They are are deeply religious Mormons so that's their handle. I feel as though my mom is trying to make up for what she lost by taking my kid. And that's not right. I shouldn't be made to suffer just becuase she did. My husband lost his oldest son this way. To his half-brother non-the-less AND through Utah state. Coincidence, I tell you. I wish I were back in NY just so I could get the help I know I could get. I only know my dad here. As for my work in writing, I'm having a hard time concentrating becuase of this.
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Freyja4 2yrs+
As you can tell, I have moved A LOT. Over thirty times and I'm only 28.
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NeverSleeps 2yrs+
Don't sign over your rights if you don't want to. But you need to talk to someone who can advise you as to what the laws are - seriously. It's important to be informed about what your rights are as a parent, and as long as you are not mistreating a child I believe that the law tends to favor placing children in the custody of their parents. But you need to speak to someone who is a family law professional. There is also the issue of different states having different laws - it could get complicated.
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Freyja4 2yrs+
I've contacted a few lawyers already. Waiting to hear responses. I don't have much money. If anything were t happen, I would definitely need more than what I've got. Even though I like writing, I have thought about getting a working job. Just to add to the advantage would need to gettingmy daughter in case of anything. My husband is looking for work. I don't think it will be easy. As the town I am in now is very small and jobs are a fight to get. My last job fired me becuase I was pregnant. I had seven weeks left. Besides that I am trying to think of anything to give me leverage. My mom says she would never take away my daughter. But I don't think she realizes what she is doing. I'm so scared to talk to her. I told my husband that he may need to sit next to me for the whole thing. I had a dream the other night where I got mad at my mom over the phone.
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BroadwayBK 2yrs+
Isn't it illegal to fire someone because they are pregnant?
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Yes. And I did file a report.
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NeverSleeps 2yrs+
@Freyja That's crazy... where were you working when that happened? You should also check and see if there are any nonprofits in your area that provide law advice.
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uptowngirl 2yrs+
Yes Freyja as NeverSleeps suggests you should talk to some nonprofits which deal with such family matters, I do know one in NYC called Safe Horizon but they deal essentially with victims of domestic abuse..maybe they can suggest another?
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Freyja4 2yrs+
I was working at Subway.
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Well, to keep everyone up-to-date, I did call my mom yesterday to talk about my daugher. It didn't go as I'd hoped. I ended up crying. I don't think she cared that it was hard for me to talk about. I understand her when she says that I need more room and tha my husband needs to find work again after being let go. I later called a friend to ask if she would be able to babysit when possible if I were to find work. We are still working it out. I don't want to go to an hourly job, but if it helps in showing my worth as a parent to the legal system then I will do it. As for signing over my rights, wont do it. If mom needs help with bills, she can send me the stub through themail. I think I will have my husband tell her that.
It didn't surprise anyone that heard of my conversation, that my mother didn't say much. Which hurt more than anything. I want my daughter back and it appears that I will have to use legal force.
She may say that my daughter wants to stay there, but feel that she is being coaxed into thinking that. It wasn't my brothers choice to not live with mom when he young young. Not entirely. Mom wanted to party an coudn't handle my brother. It isn'tthat she couldn't give him what he needed. If that were the case I would hve never livd with my mom either. I only stayed with my grandparents for three years as far as I recall. So, I don't need the comparison. None of if really makes sense.
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uptowngirl 2yrs+
@Freyja4 I dont want to sound demeaning or anything but have to tried your local Starbucks? I believe they offer jobs with benefits as do Trader Joe's and I think even the Container Store. Anything would be worth it if you can convince the authorities concerned that you can look after your daughter isn't it? Also do try the retail Banks they are always on the look out for people..and I think if you work more than 25 hours a week you get benefits..
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Well, being that I currently am in a vert small town in Wyoming, I would work at the local Starbucks. Funny part about you suggesting that is tha last year, just as they were about to hire me, they we being forced to close. Six weeks later, no Starbucks. The town is pretty upset about it. When working at Subway, I was always asked about Starbucks. I'd point across the street and tell them that "unfortunately they've closed." I miss Starbucks like none other. Ever since living in Washingtn, the coffee source, I have been in love with Starbucks. Seattle's Best is good, to. They are only in WA as far as I know.
However, there is one coffee shop in town called Artisan's. They have lunch food and coffee and tea and you can buy artwork off the wall. There's even a little gift shop next door. I don't imagine the owner hires much. Last I was there, it was her and another girl. I've always wanted to work at a coffee shop. I'm told it's a strange dream job. Since I was 15, that's what I wanted to do. I haven't had the chance just yet.
This town is hard on jobs. When something comes up, everyone grabs for it. Recently, we've lost our last video rental. There is only now Redboxes and online. Wal-Mart only sells. I wouldn't trust a Redbox. The chances of DVD's being scratched and returned are high.
Thank you for the suggestion. I do wish I had more options like back in NY. Even Boise, but I don't want to move back to ID. As for banks, I have put in applications on-line. Speaking of which, Wells Fargo is hiring in several openings for teller. I will have to call.
It seems sad that I would rather work at a minimal income job than some corporate building, doesn't it?
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uptowngirl 2yrs+
@Freyja4 Actually a bank teller job is not a minimal income job, a banking officer that I deal at Citibank was recently promoted from her position as a teller . She had worked as a teller for two years before her present post and had taken the requisite exams to become an officer so even though a teller's job may be thought of as boring and repetitive it can provide growth and a steady income.
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Well, I can say righ now that I didn't get that job. Oh, well. I will keep trucking along looking for work.
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Good luck, @Freyja4! We're all rooting for you!
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Thanks to all. I do have a phone consultation on the 5th of July with a lawyer in ID. ID becuase then I could get a better idea of how my rights might be effected by a new bill that is being passed in ID. It's the grandparent bill. It gives grandparents wo are raising their grandchildren foster rights. I don't know how this will effect me when my mom has temporary custody. Which ends in Sept.
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NeverSleeps 2yrs+
Yes, good luck! I hope everything works out alright!
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uptowngirl 2yrs+
[email protected] I hope it all works out for you .. all the very best.
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Freyja4 2yrs+
Thank you all.
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