Guntersville

Guntersville appears wonderful, with a huge lake surrounding it, several parks, and a cute downtown. The big box stores are located far from the epicenter. However, this little town holds a secret, situated between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. What could it be? The secret side of southern living. Allow me to shed some light on the subject:

The people appear wonderful at first, but beware...they're watching you. The first three things they ask:
-Where are you from?
-What is your job?
-What church do you go to?

These may seem like innocent questions, but your answers automatically determine your place in their society. You see, this is a town of (mostly) blue blood people who have a grand superiority complex. Forget being accepted here if...
-You're not related to anyone there.
-You weren't born in Alabama.
-You don't have their accent (which is awful)
-You don't have a white collar job OR you are unemployed
-You're not a fundamentalist Christian, especially if you're an atheist
-You're a Yankee (anyone from outside of the south...a grave sin)
-You're a person of a color other than white (the only blacks in town live in the projects...a whole other world)
-You don't fit into the traditional male and female roles and looks (the women are always done up with about ten pounds of makeup)

I am sure there are more, but these are the things which my family and I encountered. We lived there for two years, and the last straw was when a woman from NY said to me, "I've been here for forty years, and they still haven't accepted me. I am still an outsider."

More things we encountered:
-They spent grant money on new police cars over updated forensic equipment.
-Perpetual gossip. No one is on your side...trust is nonexistent between "friends"
-Appalling racism towards blacks
-A "best friend" created a Facebook account under another name and commenced to cyber bully me (you know who you are, and who I am. Haha)
-A girl in my sister's grade said she wanted my sister to die by shark attack
-A false rape culture among teenage girls
-Hidden addictions, child abuse and molestation, incest, and corruption
-Spraying aquatic herbicide in the lake, right next to where children were playing
-They could care less about the environment, even though they live in one of the most beautiful places in Alabama
-The school system is about one grade level behind Georgia, and two grade levels behind the rest of the US. The rich kids were put into advanced classes, while the poor and the minorities were left behind. Keeping them down by dumbing them down.

If you are not like these traits:
-Gossip
-Elitist
-Judgemental
-Fundamentalist
-Homophobic
-Beer-Belly
-Makeup-Plastered
-Backwards
-Unreasonable
-All take, no give
Then I advise you to reconsider moving to Guntersville. In fact, I would say everyone should reconsider moving there.

I hope this scathing review of Guntersville will dissuade anyone who is tempted to make the same mistake we did. Unless you like the hypocritical, elitist society that is rampant in this town. Goodbye, Guntersville.